


Perturbatur Pacis

by didsomeonesayventus



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 20:11:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5062420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didsomeonesayventus/pseuds/didsomeonesayventus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It’s amazing what peace and quiet did to you after a whole year of chaos and loud. "</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perturbatur Pacis

It’s amazing what peace and quiet did to you after a whole year of chaos and loud. 

Sora fidgeted and spaced out far more than he used to. His grades dropped like gummi blocks from the sky because there wasn’t any point to trigonometry or proper sentence construction anymore; heaven forbid if science and social studies conflicted with information he had learned out in other worlds. But Sora was still Sora, if a little more mature, a little more obnoxious and stubborn when it came to his “delusions”, much stronger, changed like the difference between a sketch and finished piece of art. Ultimately changed for the better, but still ultimately the same.

Riku had crawled into himself. The pushiest, loudest, most social by far boy of the islands had dug a deep pit in the sand for himself and stuck his head in it. He proved himself still the strongest- maybe even stronger now -quite quickly and prudently, but otherwise no one recognized the Riku that had come home. 

Not the tiredness in his turquoise eyes or the slouch that could only attempt to mask his growth spurt. Not the Riku with hair he tied back only at Kairi’s insistence (because she was a girl she knew these things and Riku’s hair was long enough to need it until they got a haircut), not the Riku who now quietly poured himself into learning how to put charcoal to paper to create surreal, melancholy drawings with the same tired explanation that it was only “what his heart felt”.

Kairi was the bridge between chaos and peace for them. She was the one who would come in and calm Sora down if he was arguing with the teacher about how flight was possible. She was the one who would yell out Riku’s answer if he mumbled it. She explained to them how Tidus and Wakka’s silly Blitzball game worked so they could cheer when appropriate and partake in it themselves for old time’s sake despite the fact they weren’t as close anymore. 

Kairi was the one who watched them sneak out at night and made sure no one suspected. Kairi was the one who covered for them when they spontaneously skipped class because they couldn’t take this madness called school anymore.

And it was Kairi Riku started pushing away first. 

He’d give her a silent shoulder with no greeting. His portfolio was withheld from her eyes, one piece ripped to shreds before she could see it. Sora would apologize with a weary shrug and an awkward rub of his hair. He couldn’t pry into Riku, for once, so neither of them quite understood what had happened. Riku did them no favors with his shut tight lips and stiff body.

Kairi scribbled with her pastels, occasionally glancing at Riku’s table where he was already consumed in pressing down his little black stick onto the white paper then spreading his hands across it in planned erratic swipes. Almost like a conductor- a pattern was there, but only the artists could recognize it. People were looking over his shoulders, nodding, mumbling in awe under their breath.

Kairi went back to coloring her piece with an almost jealous scowl. Not like Riku would allow her to see it, he was apparently too good for her. Kairi set down her things and took a deep breath. Jealousy would get her nowhere, and neither would anger. Riku needed patience.

Or maybe a good verbal punch in the face. He kept thinking he could do stuff alone and that wasn’t how things went. Not with stuff this big. Even Sora needed to vent probably once a week about what his adventures had cost; the scars, mental and physical. Talking about the close moments where he thought he could’ve died, the moments where he’d forgotten to go easy during sparring. But Sora talked about it, and the more he talked the better he was, and Riku’s refusal to talk was probably screwing them all over now.

The final bell of the day rang. Students filed out. Kairi and Riku were the only ones left, Kairi watching Riku and Riku lost in his work. Kairi watched him smudging charcoal here, grabbing a stick and adding a line there, his gaze as intense as ever. It was honestly an inspiring sight to see him so focused.

He paused, and his eyes slowly went to Kairi.

Kairi stared back.

“Um... Whatcha workin’ on?” Kairi asked.

Riku slowly drew himself to full height. He was looking down, avoiding her gaze, as he quietly rolled up the piece he had been making, tucked it under his arm, and walked out. Kairi heard Sora give a surprised greeting that he quickly gave up on.

She ran out, “Riku!”

“Hey Kai,” Sora said, “Hey, uh... did Riku just-”

“Again and I’m sick of it!” Kairi snapped, “I haven’t been with you guys in so long- SO LONG! -and yet only a fraction of your time back he was open... He was there... He liked me...”

Sora wrapped a hand around her shoulders, “He still likes you, Kairi! He’s just... going through some stuff-”

“Did he tell you that?!” Kairi asked, “Because I’d sure love it if he told me these things-”

“Hey that’s all he told me! That he’s goin’ through some stuff!” Sora held up his hands in defense. He hugged her again, “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sure he’s just trying to protect you-”

“From what, his bad attitude?” Kairi scoffed, “I just want him to look at me like I’m his friend...”

Sora shrugged, “Try talkin’ with him. He couldn’t’ve gotten-” Kairi ran off. “... too far now.”

Kairi rounded a few corners, steaming. Of course Riku trusted Sora more than her OF COURSE! She saw him rummaging around in his locker, and she slammed her hand against its neighbor. She didn’t give Riku a moment to recover before saying sharply and quietly, “Riku, what’s your problem?”

He watched her, then lowered his gaze to his feet and shuffled around a bit.

“Don’t give me the silent treatment, Riku! You did that already back at the World That Never Was and I KNOW you have something to say.” Her tone softened, “So just say it...”

Riku bit down on his lips, then shook his head and turned around.

Kairi grabbed his arm, “Riku! Please! Quit shutting me out it’s not funny!”

He pulled out of her grip and Kairi made a move she knew was going to hurt him some way:

She ripped his artwork out from under his arm. She didn’t unroll it yet, but held it in her hand just the same as she glared at Riku’s wide eyes. She glanced at the tube of paper, then at Riku. She moved the art to both her hands, watching it and whispering, “I missed seeing your stuff... being friends...”

“W-we...” Riku tired saying something but he shut himself down. He held out his hand, “Give it back Kairi I’m not done yet-”

Kairi unrolled it like a treasure map. There was a sharp “fwap” from the paper, signaling she probably did so too hard. But her jaw still dropped at what was a perfect portrait of her in an ornate dress, hair a halo, a crown of light shining upon her brow. She was looking up with hope in her eyes and a weary, gentle, saintly smile upon her lips. Her hands- Kairi squinted at the faint lines a moment before realizing it was lace Riku had just begun sketching out -were folded in front of her and the drawing descended into sketching beneath her arms. A star, a few lines. Nothing she could completely understand. The border was also unfinished, with several different poses sketched out along it, and beneath was a messy scribble that reminded her of anger.

“Riku...?” Kairi looked at him.

Riku had turned his shoulder to her, and he cradled it as if he had been hurt.

“R-Riku I... I-I’m sorry I-”

“The Princess of Light.” He murmured. He then leaned over and tapped the mess at the bottom, “And the Wretched Darkness.”

Kairi squinted at the sketches. Perhaps the hair of one man in the upper corner- yes unmistakable Sora. And the knights, yes... but the bottom kept distracting her.

“Where it belongs.” Riku told her, hugging himself, “Ignored. To corrupt for her to worry about.”

“To corrupt for her to worry about? Riku are you saying what I think you are?” Kairi questioned. She had seen this song and dance in him ever since they found him again; too remorseful, too guilty, tearing himself apart over what he had done.

“The light doesn’t have to care about darkness.” He said.

“The light does care.” Kairi told him. She rolled the piece back up and gently put it in his locker, “Riku-”

“Just tell me how you really feel!” Riku snapped. He grabbed his hair, “Just tell me! I’m sick of you staring at me-”

“Because I’m worried!” Kairi held his shoulder, “Riku you-”

“I sicken you!” Riku hissed, which soon dissolved into sobbing, “You hate me! You hate me for what I did-”

“You were protecting me, Riku-”

“I was using you! I was only protecting myself! Only protecting the fact I was your loyal knight who was supposed to save his beloved princess! It was a game and it was disgusting-”

“Riku-”

“I wasn’t motivated by any goodwill-”

“Riku-!”

“I was selfish-”

“Riku please-”

“And you hate me!” Riku got in the last word with a yell. Kairi couldn’t see his eyes through the mess his hair had become, but she saw tears.

Kairi saw Sora rushing over and she shook her head at him. He glanced between them, then sheepishly backed away.

Kairi looked back at Riku, “RIku, I don-”

“You hate me...” He whispered.

“Ri-”

“You hate me.”

“No-”

“You hate me!”

“No I-”

“You hate me! You hate me!”

“Riku n-”

“You hate me! you hate me! you hate me!” His voice had risen into a keening cry. He slid down the lockers, burying his face in his hands while he continued, “You hate me you both hate me-”

“Riku shut up!” Kairi sighed.

Riku looked up at her. For once instead of tired and worn his face was as wide and innocent as a year earlier. Wide and scared. Kairi squatted down and hugged him, “Riku I don’t hate you.”

He grabbed her back, far tighter, fingers digging into her skin and looking for solace to mine from it. He bawled into her shoulder. Kairi leaned her head against his with a sigh. “Tell me when you’re thinking this stuff, you dummy.” She grumbled.

“I-I just-”

“You and I both know Sora comes to us. If he can do that, you can do the same, alright?” Kairi cut him off in an instant, “We’re here for you.”

Riku buried his face in her shoulder more.

Kairi stroked his back, hummed a lullaby.

“Riku we’re here for you. I’m here for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> ok so on my tumblr dash I saw people saying that Riku and Kairi hated each other and I noped so hard I wrote fic so enjoy


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